Not My Strong Suit

Thursday, September 29th, 2011 10

Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves.”            ~ Rainer Maria Rilke

I’m holding on to these beautiful words of Rilke, a quote I’ve come back to so often in my life, a quote that still needs repeating like a mantra, a quote I want to move from my head to my heart. The truth of it is that I’m impatient. Very impatient.  And this impatience brings me a great deal of pain. It brings the expectation of disappointment. It brings feelings of not-enoughness. It brings 3rd grade-like hurts of not being in the “in-crowd.” And on it swirls and spirals. Patience is not my strong suit.

 

So (*sigh*), I’m asking the Universe, in the midst of its doing its thing, to please help me muster up some patience. Patience for the words to come. Patience for the manuscripts I’m writing. Patience for the manuscripts I’ve submitted. Patience for shooting with film. Patience for using my Polaroids. Patience for becoming an artist. Patience for blogging. Patience for social media. Patience for finding community. Patience for creating community. Patience for casting my dreams. Patience for those dreams to be realized.

Patience to be seen and known.

10 Responses

  1. Lindsey says:

    It may not surprise you that this is my very weakest spot too (or, one of them). Wishing you forbearance and patience as you wait … xoxo

  2. Sarah says:

    Thanks for this gentle reminder, M. I am a very impatient person and I try to remind myself that the way to cultivate patience is to work on being patient in situations where my first inclination is to be impatient with myself, others, and the universe. You are so right that impatience really only causes us pain. Sending you patient vibes, dear friend.

  3. urban muser says:

    ahh, patience does not come easy for me either. nice post!

  4. Meg says:

    Yes, it is a virtue – one I struggle with too. But compared to some people, this plethora of calls on your patience is a gift! You are stimulated by embracing new challenges, seeing the world in new ways, by working through the discomfort to welcome gifts in…

  5. Celina says:

    I am so right there with you. Impatient is my middle name. Sending big love. You are doing such a wonderful job at creating community and working on your photos. It all is and will come together. xoxo

  6. darlene says:

    it is something that i have only started learning … slowly … i so understand this and know that all those things, each of them is unfolding for you and when you look back, you will see it all and wonder at how fast it all happened ;-) xo

  7. i too am in this place of impatience but the longer I sit with the knowing that I need to have patience and being kind with myself, the more it seems to show up. sending you love and self acceptance and some patience :) xoxo

  8. Melissa says:

    Sometimes I think our flaws and virtues are one and the same. I know your impatience has taken you places and made you strive for things. It’s closely linked to your ambition, your energy, your ability to make things happen and bring people together. Your refusal to live life by default. Maybe it’s ok to be a little impatient. You have some pretty big and exciting dreams. Nothing wrong with wanting them to come true.

  9. Jeffrey says:

    Meghan,
    As you learn to work with film, the zen of black & white film photography, developing, and printing will grow within you. In this one small area of your life, hopefully you will come to appreciate the patience of this time-honored process and its built-in methodical steps.

    With the blessing of the universe, we can all hope that the zen of b&w will spill over into other areas of your refocused life.

  10. [...] is in full effect. I’ve talked about the swirling many times before — the swelling to-do list, the the feelings of overwhelm, the lack of hours in the day. That’s where I am right now. [...]

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