Category : B&W
Last month I had the opportunity to take an amazing trip to California. And by amazing, I mean that Big Sur an Napa were on the docket along with being together with some of my most cherished friends. As if going to the Esalen hot springs at 1am to soak under the clearest sky filled with the brightest stars hearing the crash of the Pacific waves directly below was not epic enough, there was also the hike to a swimming hole, the discovery of flat whites, and staying at the kitschy Madonna Inn.
But then came four magical days spent at a Napa vineyard with these people, a most inspired and inspiring group of artists…
This time, space, and bounty wouldn’t have been possible without our benefactor, Timm, host and party-thrower extraordinaire…
I send out a heart-filled thank you to each of these kindreds. You filled my cup during those four sparkling days and nights in Napa. Thank you for letting me see you, and for you seeing me. Can’t wait until our next adventure. xoxo
For those photographers interested, black and white photo shot on Tri-X 400 with Pentax 645N camera, color photos shot on Portra 160 with Canon AE-1 camera, and the two Polaroids shot on Impossible 600 with Polaroid SLR680.
My life feels upside down. Everything about it feels disorienting. What I thought was (true) North, is suddenly not. I feel my emotions with enormous intensity, yet I feel somehow outside myself, watching me and the world around as if from above. I’m not sure what is ground. I can’t find my footing.
I’ve still got love on the brain. It’s on my lips. In my heart. It’s swirling through the very core of me. I’m channeling absolutely all the love I can muster right now. Embracing love as a practice. I’m sending out all the love I have ever felt, in one singular direction. Daily. Hourly. Actually, breath by breath. It is all I can think to do.
Amidst the recent swirling, I’ve been reflecting on my one word for the year. Secure. Not only is this my word for the year, it is one of my core desired feelings. It is how I want to feel, what I want to manifest, and the place from which I want my life to spring forth. This word has been a guidepost for me this year. When I can’t see the forest for the trees, when I’m in the thick of the swirling, I reach for it time and time again.
I have often looked to others for this feeling. Wanting to be seen, heard, held by another to feel secure. And as much as I need the love and support of others — as much as we all do — I’ve been reminded recently that this feeling, this desire, has to come from within. That at the end of the day, I’m searching for my own internal place to rest in all that secure embodies.
Then, as I was driving home from the grocery yesterday, an old favorite Indigo Girls song “randomly” came on…
“Secure yourself to heaven.
Hold on tight, the night has come.
Fasten up your earthly burdens,
You have just begun.”
That’s right. This journey, in so many ways, is in its tender dawn. I have just begun. And that sense of trust, feeling rooted and secure, will come. It will come.
Amidst the colors and the vibrancy of Barcelona, I found some stolen quiet moments. In a three-week traveling adventure, and in the everyday routine, a space of calm and solitude is welcome.
Both images shot using my Canon AE-1 camera on Tri-X 400 film, scanned by Indie Film Lab.