Category : Color
Happy 2015, friends. I’ve got love on the brain. No, “love” is not my one word for the year, yet it’s palpable for me as this new year begins. I’m reflecting on the opportunity we have every day, in each of our relationships, to choose love. Although I’m not one for making new year’s resolutions per se (I do set intentions for the year ahead), I’d like to dedicate myself to choosing love. I want to engage in love as a living, breathing entity that must be cared for and tended to. I want to embrace love as a practice.
The past few days here in Nebraska have been dreary to say the least. So as this Monday descends cold and a tad bleak, I’m seeking a bit of escape. In my mind, I’m transported back to San Sebastián, Spain. I fell madly, deeply in love with San Sebastián. Come take a peek at this enchanting, gorgeous, food mecca by the sea…
Other than my beloved city of Paris, San Sebastián was my favorite place we visited this past summer. It is such an incredibly relaxed and beautiful place, filled with amazing food. And all of that is topped off by its location next to the ocean. As an East Coast girl living in the landlocked Midwest, any place where I can swim in the big blue makes me incredibly happy. I’m already dreaming of a return trip.
What or where are you dreaming of today?
PS–all photos shot on Portra 160 35mm film with the Canon AE-1.
“Much has been said about the eternal and untouchable nature of love, its tidal ungovernable forces and its emergence from beyond the ordinary, but love may find its fullest, most imagined and most courageous form when it leaves the abstractions and safety of the timeless, the eternal and the untouchable to make its promises amidst the fears, vulnerabilities and disappearances of our difficult, touchable and time bound world. To love and to witness love in the face of possible loss and to find the mystery of love’s promise in the shadow of that loss, in the shadow of the ordinary and in the shadow of our own inevitable disappearance may be where the eternal source of all of our origins stands most fully in awe of the consequences of everything it has set in motion.” –David Whyte
As this current bout of swirling fades and my sense of security settles, I’m off in the mountains of New Hampshire for a long weekend away to write and work on my book. I’ve been looking forward to this time to get outside my normal surroundings and typical routine in the hopes of gaining some fresh perspective and rev my creative mojo. So while I’m away and travel is on my mind, I thought I’d return to playing catch-up from our summer European adventures.
We had planned to go from Barcelona to San Sebastián, and during our four-day span there, take a day trip to Bilbao. Unfortunately, we had some train issues and needed to re-route our journey to head to Bilbao first for a half-day and then off to San Sebastián for our planned time. Our primary reason to go to Bilbao was to see the Guggenheim Museum. Being lovers of art, we wanted to see the installations inside and outside the museum, but we also wanted to take in the architectural masterpiece created by Frank Gehry. And friends, it did not disappoint.
The exhibits inside were equally as spectacular, but photography is frowned upon. My only regret of our visit to Bilbao was that we had such little time and no space to explore the old town and its charming streets. Seems like the perfect reason to go back.
I’ve been swirling for the past few weeks. Most days have felt like a struggle. Getting out of bed has been difficult. Pushing through the day has required inordinate effort. I’ve been looking forward to the end of the day when I can come home, change into my pajamas, and pour a glass of wine, with far too much gleeful anticipation.
I’m having tumultuous dreams and flashback images of my mother. A dear friend’s wife died, bringing up all of the feelings associated with the knowledge that friends my age shouldn’t be dying and that I, too, will die. My tendencies toward existential crisis lie just below the surface, and needless to say, have been spilling over. My self-efficacy regarding writing a memoir, telling my story and telling it well, has been dangerously circling the drain. Oh, and Mercury was in retrograde. I can’t see the forest for the trees.
I have been stuck. In a fragile, emotional, crying-three-times-a-day funk. For a few weeks. But I’m coming out of it. I’m clawing my way to the surface. I have to. I need to see the big picture. I need to remember that life is short and I will die, and to use that knowledge to embrace the life I have rather than retreat from it. I need to remember that revisiting my past opens old doors, and that dreams and flashbacks are part of the process. I need to remember that I’ve never written a memoir before, that this is all new territory for me, and that my self-efficacy will grow as I keep writing.
Yes, I’m shaking the devil off. Casting off the stuck-ness. Starting to glimpse the forest again.