Category : Community
Some people ask how I can be so open, how I lay my heart out, how I let myself be seen. Today’s entry in Mark Nepo’s The Book of Awakening gives a powerful answer to those questions that rings true for me… “One of the most painful barriers we can experience is the sense of isolation the modern world fosters, which can only be broken by our willingness to be held, by the quiet courage to allow our vulnerabilities to be seen. For as water fills a hole and as light fills the dark, kindness wraps around what is soft, if what is soft can be seen. So admitting what we need, asking for help, letting our softness show – these are prayers without words that friends, strangers, wind, and time all wrap themselves around.”
Hi, friends. It’s been a few months. A few quiet months here in this space, but a busy few months wrapping up my sabbatical. Since I’ve last posted, I’ve been to Austin to visit a bestie from college, to Boulder for the awesome Hanuman Festival and to visit my constant champion, to Anchorage to take in the scenery before a photog bestie moves to Japan, to the Twin Cities to see Adele, and last to Denver to attend the American Psychological Association Conference. WHEW. See? I’ve been busy, if quiet here at LR.
At this year’s conference, I had the opportunity to give a talk on anything I wanted. I had this exquisite time given to me having won an award at last year’s conference. Whereas many people take this opportunity to talk about their research or their career, I decided to talk about what is closest to my heart these days — LOVE. The title of my talk was, “The Love Campaign: How Divorce, Friendship, and Yoga Changed My Life.” Yes, I decided to give a very personal talk at a professional conference. And I’m so grateful I did. I practiced vulnerability. I stepped into my full self. I spoke my truth.
You can listen to the entire talk (minus the warm introduction I received) right here…
Love IS our superpower. Keep spreading the love and light, and saying “yes,” Love Warriors. xoxo
I’m a warrior. For love. I’m strong in this fight and I will fiercely love you. But as strong and vigilant as I may be, warriors get wounds. They get scraped and hurt. Amass scars. And I have my fair share of those — hurts, wounds. Scars in my heart and on my body. But that doesn’t make me give up the fight. Because friends, love… Love is the only thing worth fighting for. So I will continue to go into battle, no armor on, heart wide open. And I will prevail. Because love wins. Be a love warrior with me.
I am so in love.
With this grey and iced-over day.
With the heat in my heart.
I am so in love.
Bliss ran up my spine in yoga today.
My heart burst open, wide.
Love confetti flying across the world.
I wished for each piece to touch every one of you.
My soul could feel yours in the vibration of this beautiful and tragic life.
We are all connected.
And I…I am so in love.
Come fall with me.
I somewhat jokingly posted on Facebook that I have developed an addiction to buying shirts with the word “love” emblazoned on them. My collection keeps growing and I can’t seem to stop myself from buying just one more, and then another, and then… Talking with one of my best guys this week, he mentioned how much he is digging this “love campaign” I’ve got going on. Huh. A love campaign?
Truth be told, I have been rather love focused this year. This is surprising, most of all to me, given that I’ve been dealing with the greatest heartbreak of my life. Love walked right out my own front door, and I seem to have been seeking it everywhere since. Literally putting love on. Wearing “love” on ever increasing numbers of tanks and tees. Maybe I’ve been unconsciously believing if I have the word “love” written across my chest, it will fill up my heart by way of osmosis.
You see, the other truth is that I have been filled with rage. Sorrow. Disbelief. I’ve had vengeful thought after vengeful thought. Mean. Perverse. Bordering on evil fantasies. Ideas of possible futures blowing up in the face of a person who I used to know. Who I used to love. Who I used to have a life with. My thoughts and I have been dark. So dark I don’t even want to admit that it’s true I have these images, these scenarios I dream up as I drive to work, walk the dog, read words on a page with no retention.
I want to hide these parts for fear that you will see how awful I can be. Flooded with hate. Venom coursing through me. But all those feelings are true. They cannot be denied. They won’t allow me to disown them. He cut and run, and never looked back. After 16 years.
But his actions, his choices of abandonment, they say far more about him than they ever will about me.
Because I can feel this darkness, this black vastness, begin to eat me alive. And I won’t allow that. I can’t. I will not let hate take root. I will not let the vengeful fantasies, the voodoo thoughts take over. Why? To do so would mean to turn away from the light. To disavow the incredible love that surrounds me. The love that has held me up and not let me be sucked into the vortex of bleakness.
Love is not simply a word inscribed on my phone case, my sweatshirt, my yoga tank. Love is my religion, my practice, my guide. Love is what I want to be, how I want to be, who I want to be. I want to radiate love. I want to breathe love in. I want to shower you with love. Love is everything. Love is the only thing.
So, yeah. Maybe I am on a love campaign.