Category : Community
I’m a warrior. For love. I’m strong in this fight and I will fiercely love you. But as strong and vigilant as I may be, warriors get wounds. They get scraped and hurt. Amass scars. And I have my fair share of those — hurts, wounds. Scars in my heart and on my body. But that doesn’t make me give up the fight. Because friends, love… Love is the only thing worth fighting for. So I will continue to go into battle, no armor on, heart wide open. And I will prevail. Because love wins. Be a love warrior with me.
I am so in love.
With this grey and iced-over day.
With the heat in my heart.
I am so in love.
Bliss ran up my spine in yoga today.
My heart burst open, wide.
Love confetti flying across the world.
I wished for each piece to touch every one of you.
My soul could feel yours in the vibration of this beautiful and tragic life.
We are all connected.
And I…I am so in love.
Come fall with me.
I somewhat jokingly posted on Facebook that I have developed an addiction to buying shirts with the word “love” emblazoned on them. My collection keeps growing and I can’t seem to stop myself from buying just one more, and then another, and then… Talking with one of my best guys this week, he mentioned how much he is digging this “love campaign” I’ve got going on. Huh. A love campaign?
Truth be told, I have been rather love focused this year. This is surprising, most of all to me, given that I’ve been dealing with the greatest heartbreak of my life. Love walked right out my own front door, and I seem to have been seeking it everywhere since. Literally putting love on. Wearing “love” on ever increasing numbers of tanks and tees. Maybe I’ve been unconsciously believing if I have the word “love” written across my chest, it will fill up my heart by way of osmosis.
You see, the other truth is that I have been filled with rage. Sorrow. Disbelief. I’ve had vengeful thought after vengeful thought. Mean. Perverse. Bordering on evil fantasies. Ideas of possible futures blowing up in the face of a person who I used to know. Who I used to love. Who I used to have a life with. My thoughts and I have been dark. So dark I don’t even want to admit that it’s true I have these images, these scenarios I dream up as I drive to work, walk the dog, read words on a page with no retention.
I want to hide these parts for fear that you will see how awful I can be. Flooded with hate. Venom coursing through me. But all those feelings are true. They cannot be denied. They won’t allow me to disown them. He cut and run, and never looked back. After 16 years.
But his actions, his choices of abandonment, they say far more about him than they ever will about me.
Because I can feel this darkness, this black vastness, begin to eat me alive. And I won’t allow that. I can’t. I will not let hate take root. I will not let the vengeful fantasies, the voodoo thoughts take over. Why? To do so would mean to turn away from the light. To disavow the incredible love that surrounds me. The love that has held me up and not let me be sucked into the vortex of bleakness.
Love is not simply a word inscribed on my phone case, my sweatshirt, my yoga tank. Love is my religion, my practice, my guide. Love is what I want to be, how I want to be, who I want to be. I want to radiate love. I want to breathe love in. I want to shower you with love. Love is everything. Love is the only thing.
So, yeah. Maybe I am on a love campaign.
Last month I had the opportunity to take an amazing trip to California. And by amazing, I mean that Big Sur an Napa were on the docket along with being together with some of my most cherished friends. As if going to the Esalen hot springs at 1am to soak under the clearest sky filled with the brightest stars hearing the crash of the Pacific waves directly below was not epic enough, there was also the hike to a swimming hole, the discovery of flat whites, and staying at the kitschy Madonna Inn.
But then came four magical days spent at a Napa vineyard with these people, a most inspired and inspiring group of artists…
This time, space, and bounty wouldn’t have been possible without our benefactor, Timm, host and party-thrower extraordinaire…
I send out a heart-filled thank you to each of these kindreds. You filled my cup during those four sparkling days and nights in Napa. Thank you for letting me see you, and for you seeing me. Can’t wait until our next adventure. xoxo
For those photographers interested, black and white photo shot on Tri-X 400 with Pentax 645N camera, color photos shot on Portra 160 with Canon AE-1 camera, and the two Polaroids shot on Impossible 600 with Polaroid SLR680.
A new photography community and website, ViewFinders, has been born! I’m thrilled to share that I have joined with 14 other amazing photographers to create this community, and I hope you come check us out. I’m sharing my first new post today, talking about a fresh start.
I hope you click HERE to see my post and perhaps, get inspired for your own clean slate.