Category : Refocus
A night like no other
Burned into my brain,
Came out of nowhere
Darkening my door.
Filled with fear and shock,
Guideposts fell away
Hearing the muffler fade in the distance.
I sat in stunned silence,
January having just begun.
Knowing not what lie ahead,
Love seemed the only answer.
My rock and my salvation.
Not understanding then
Open-heartedness wouldn’t matter.
Parker cried for months,
Questioning as did I.
Remembering all the years,
Saying my goodbyes.
Trust had irrevocably been broken
Unveiled as months unfolded.
Vows that rung unspoken,
Wounds that may not heal.
(E)xiled in my heart,
You likely cannot see
Zone when I’ll be free.
(photo taken by Cherish Bryck)
I’m over at ViewFinders today with a post that is so fitting for what I seek on my creative journey, with what I share and do here at Life Refocused. It’s all about how photography is teaching me about life, grief, the human experience, the common struggle, me.
I truly hope you click HERE to read the full post. Much love, friends. xoxo
Walking this new path in my life, managing this unexpected part of the journey, I find myself fumbling. I’m tripping over unseen roots and keeping a kind of hyper-vigilance. I seem to be holding my hands out in front of me as if to protect myself from branches and brambles, trying to keep the painful obstacles that might be ahead at bay. I suppose I am quite literally feeling my way.
Although I feel lost most days, I keep moving forward. I keep reaching out in front of me. Listening to mySelf. And I take step after step. While I am completely unsure of where I’m headed and what the destination may be, I know one thing for certain. I am going THROUGH. I know there is no going around. There is no evading what is, however painful and difficult it may be. There is no outrunning the truth, the heartbreak, the grief.
There is only THROUGH.
It is April. Spring. To say it is a time of transition — in the year and in my life — is to put it mildly. I have been quiet here of late as my whole world has been turned upside down. I’m s-l-o-w-l-y coming back to ground, back to right-side up. Searching and discovering whatever this new version of “normal” is going to be.
Every single day of January and February, and even into March, felt hard. As in “I’ve never gone through anything this difficult” hard. I had a constant wish that my heart would stop hurting, that the pit in my stomach would go away, that I would wake up from the nightmare I felt my life had become. Those wishes never actually came true. Not in the instantaneous way I had wished for, anyway.
But…my heart is healing. The pit in my stomach is subsiding. The nightmare still goes on, yet it is becoming less terrifying. And as these transitions have been occurring, I find that my mind has allowed for just a bit of space to dream. I’m feeling the cracks of openness to glimpse the hopefulness this season brings — of renewal, of awakening. As my birthday comes this week, as I embark on an altogether different chapter of my life, one that I never planned and certainly never expected, I wonder what new wishes I might be making…
“Ground is what lies beneath our feet. It is the place where we already stand; a state of recognition, the place or the circumstances to which we belong whether we wish to or not. It is what holds and supports us, but also what we do not want to be true; it is what challenges us, physically or psychologically, irrespective of our hoped for needs. It is the living, underlying foundation that tells us what we are, where we are, what season we are in and what, no matter what we wish in the abstract, is about to happen in our body, in the world or in the conversation between the two.”
“To come to ground is to find a home in circumstances and in the very physical body we inhabit in the midst of those circumstances and above all to face the truth, no matter how difficult that truth may be; to come to ground is to begin the courageous conversation, to step into difficulty and by taking that first step, begin the movement through all difficulties, to find the support and foundation that has been beneath our feet all along: a place to step onto, a place on which to stand and a place from which to step.”
by David Whyte, “GROUND” in CONSOLATIONS: The Solace, Nourishment and Underlying Meaning of Everyday Words