Category : SOOC
My mind is feeling full and the swirling has commenced again. The sand in the hourglass runs so swiftly each day, yet tasks and to-do lists seem stagnant. Daily reminders keep coming that life can change in an instant. Then curve balls are thrown my way for which I’m not prepared and I’m unsure how to handle. I’m not in a good place, my friends.
For our polatych collaboration, Celina and I chose “relax” as our May theme. I don’t think this choice of word or sentiment was a coincidence. I’m trying to take in these photos, take in this message to relax, to quiet the swirling. I’m reminding myself with each breath to trust the process.
I met Andy and Josh when I was out in Oregon for my pre-doctoral internship. Coming from very different parts of the country and different doctoral programs, the three of us all matched (crazy, computerized ranking and matching system like medical residency) at the University of Oregon’s Counseling and Testing Center for this last component to earn our doctoral degrees. Interestingly, while all three of us were in long-term committed relationships, we all moved out to Eugene, Oregon without partners for the year for one reason or another. Since we were all managing long-distance relationships and being away from our partners for the first time, we had an instant bond. But there was much more than that.
The three of us also share many personality characteristics and those sealed our friendships. During the course of that internship year, we spent so much time together — yes, at the Counseling Center for work, but lots of time hanging out, going to happy hour and sporting events, eating together, attending festivals, and a super fun weekend trip to Seattle. Oh and we LAUGHED together. Belly-aching, tears-running-down-your-face kind of laughing. Along with all that fun, there was all the listening and being there for one another as we managed health crises, difficult job searches, dissertation research, and relationship issues being apart from our partners. While my training and work at the University of Oregon Counseling Center was amazing, Andy and Josh made my internship year what it was.
As I look back on that time, I wouldn’t change it for anything. On the surface, it sounds ludicrous that I would choose to spend that year apart from Tony, with him in Missouri and me in Oregon. But had I made a different choice — that Tony was able to join me in Oregon, or that Oregon felt too far away and so I didn’t rank it #1 — then my relationships with Josh and Andy would not have developed in the ways that they did or perhaps even exist. That’s the thing about being able to go back in time and change one small aspect of your life — it would change everything.
It’s been almost 8 years since we completed our internship at the U of O. And through those years, we’ve done a good job of keeping in touch and visiting one another. With job changes, moves across the country, and having a kid, two years had passed since we had gotten together. So, I’m beyond grateful that Josh and Andy came to visit last week. Words don’t convey how fabulous it was to see them and to connect. They’re my best guys.
Much love, Andy and Josh. See you in March. xoxo
It’s been just slightly over 2 weeks since I embarked on a new photography journey. After wrapping up my first 365 project, I decided to jump right in to another one. But I decided to use the themes that emerged from my first 365 to guide me moving forward on my next endeavor. In seeing that instant photography and self-portraits were the most resonant and constant markers over the past year, I decided I would combine those for a 365 Impossible Self-Portraits project.
I began the project on my birthday, April 23, and suffice it to say…it’s been kicking my ass. I knew that this project would be challenging. I knew that it would be difficult. And I knew I was likely a little crazy for taking it on. I mean, it’s one thing to shoot instant film photos every day for an entire year. And it’s another thing to shoot daily self-portraits for 365 days in a row. But to COMBINE these two tasks?!?! That’s kind of nuts, right?
Going into the project, I felt pretty prepared and fairly ready to take it on. Looking back through my last 365, I could see that I shot 27 instant self-portraits. 27. That seemed like a considerable number of self-portraits that I shot with my Polaroid cameras, which led me to feel some confidence that I could really do this 365 Impossible Self-Portraits project. But…
I think I’m psyching myself out. I’m all jacked up about it. Because I have so many dreams and goals for this project, I’m giving it a lot of power. I’m really in my head, putting a great deal of pressure on myself for each and every photo. I am feeling like every shot has to be awesome for my dreams for this project to come to fruition. I am devaluing most of what I shoot, telling myself that the photographs aren’t artistic enough or interesting enough.
Thankfully, I’m journaling as I work on the project. And in doing so, I realize that these thoughts, this kind of negative self-talk, is a creativity killer. I’m working hard to remind myself that at the core, this project is for me. I chose to take on 365 Impossible Self-Portraits for my own photographic growth. This project was what felt right in my core as my next step. 365 Impossible Self-Portraits is what I believe will help me move forward in my creative journey. And that needs to be my focus. Yes, I do have dreams and goals for what may come of this project. But for now, day by day, I need to do the work, get out of my head, and stop psyching myself out.
Note to self: Trust the process, Meghan. xoxo
It’s funny how time changes you. A few short years ago, I was not interested in taking portraits of people. Actually, it was more than “not interested.” I really hated taking portraits. I felt awkward and uncomfortable shooting photographs of people. I didn’t know how best to frame people, how to help them relax, nor how to capture an image that really represented the person I was photographing. And more often than not, the people I wanted to take photos of were fairly opposed to having their picture taken. They also felt uncomfortable and awkward. They didn’t know how to sit or how to stand, they didn’t know how to relax and just “act natural.” And then because we are all our own worst critics, people don’t often like photographs of themselves. So there’s that uphill battle to climb both as the photographer taking portraits and as the person allowing her/his image to be photographed.
But recently, I’ve had the precious opportunity to take some portraits of people who I really love. I have found ways to muster the courage to ask if I can take their photo, and more and more frequently, their answer is “yes.” I’m so excited to share some of these portraits of love. That’s what these photos are to me: portraits of love. They are photos of people who are so dear to me and they capture a moment of time that just the two of us shared.
My partner-in-crime, my colleague and collaborator, my Tribe sister, Sarah…
The witty, smart, clever, wordsmith, Sara….
The generous, always-has-your-back, holding-hope, Josh…
And last but certainly not least, therapist extraordinaire, emoticon-loving, bear-hugging, Andy…
I am so grateful for each of these people in my life. They have given me so much.
Thank you for letting me see you. xoxo
I don’t know about you, but I don’t have many excuses these days to play dress-up. Even the more “regular” variety of getting a bit dolled-up with a dress and heels for a Saturday night date comes few and far between. But the opportunity to really play dress-up, like in a costume?!? I have no idea when I last did that. So when a dear friend of mine got the idea to host a murder mystery party to celebrate her birthday, I was all in. The theme was a 1920s speakeasy/brothel, The Four Deuces, with gangsters, high-rollers, and flappers. How fun is that?! Everyone was assigned a particular character and had a list of tasks they needed to accomplish before the night was through. Without further ado, let me introduce you to my “friends” for the evening.
Our hosts were Madam MeMe and Don Wannabe…
Then Don “Big Jim” Ravioli and his ex-wife, Vicky Ravioli, joined us…
As did Sly Sleeze and Carrie Crooner-Ravioli…
Along with Rhett Bumbler and Baroness Ravioli…
And finally, Capo “Toto” Tequila and Rebecca Ravioli…
I don’t think I can spill the beans on who the murderer was, but let’s just say I know her very well. What was so great about this evening was how much each of us really got into it. We all got decked out, buying flapper dresses, renting suits, getting hats. We all stayed in character for hours and really did it up. It was SO much fun. Which tells me that as adults, we all need more reasons to play dress-up and escape reality a for a bit.
What’s your take? Do you welcome the opportunity to slip into another character and world for a little while?
As promised, Celina and I are bringing you a second polatych for April. Our theme this month was double exposures using the Polaroid Spectra camera. I must confess, I LOVE double (and multiple) exposures. I began getting addicted to them during the summer of 2011. You can see some of my favorites here and here and here. Since I LOVE double exposures so much, I couldn’t resist injecting some love into my image. So, you might be able to guess that my photo is on the right with Celina’s on the left.
Can’t wait to see what May brings us in our collaboration!
