Sorry–I was Trying to Focus on “What Matters”
Perhaps I didn’t choose the best time to start my blog. After all, I wrote and published the first post, and then ditched town on vacation without a computer or internet access. I realize that a week and half between blog postings probably doesn’t equal readership. But…I was excited and bubbling with anticipation to start the blog, even knowing that I would have to step away from it for over a week. I needed to dive in, take the plunge into the blogosphere, before I listened to those naysaying voices in my head and chickened out. So, I apologize to the dozen of you who checked out the blog and then have heard crickets ever since. I’ll be better, or rather, more frequent. Promise.
I have been “refocusing” this past week, though, spending time with friends in beautiful Colorado. Maybe it is more truthful to say that I was trying to refocus this past week. You see, I’ve been feeling like I’ve needed to go on vacation all summer. The non-productive (and humid of late) months of May, June, and most of July were just wearing me down. Suffice it to say, I was in a FUNK. You know the funks where nothing is really wrong, you just feel cranky, kinda down, sensitive (maybe overly so), a bit dissatisfied by whatever it is you’re doing…Well, I was in one of those. So I was really looking forward to the Colorado vacation to help shake me loose of that funk, to have time to spend with my partner and good friends, to reconnect with nature and ground myself, to take some photos of the gorgeous scenery, to enjoy a peanut butter and jelly sandwich on top of a mountain after a long climb. I was looking forward to being unplugged, away from work, responsibilities, and my never-ending to-do list.
And I did do most of those things–I did spend time with my partner and friends, I immersed myself in nature, hiked lots of trails, and had many a PB+J. I played around with taking photos of the landscape, friends, gear, and anything that whispered to my heart. I drank scads of wine and great Colorado and Oregon beer. I even broke 400 in a game of Yahtzee. But, I still didn’t totally shake that funk. I still couldn’t totally turn off my brain and refocus. Thoughts of stressful work issues, difficult relationship dynamics, and other “I’m not enough-ness” crept in. I wasn’t too happy about that (still not). I kept trying to remind myself that none of that stuff was important. I kept telling myself to look around, take in the view. I kept refocusing, over and over, on the knowledge that right now, life is good, and that I’m with some of the people that matter most to me. And that helped…some. I guess I am realizing that this whole refocusing thing is gonna take practice, a lot of practice. But I’ll keep working at it, one step at a time.
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