A Picture of Grief

Thursday, January 26th, 2012 15

As soon as I think I’m doing okay, coping well with the loss of Ripken, a tidal wave of grief crashes over me. Small things churn these waves. Driving past the vet’s office, looking at the dog bed with only Parker lying there, noticing only one set of bowls on the kitchen floor. And then, I lose it. The tears well in my eyes, my throat tightens, my stomach knots. I try to remind myself “it was for the best” and to remember he’s not suffering. Yet these phrases don’t offer much comfort. The sobs come as the tears spill over and streak my face.

As much as I want to feel better, to be able to focus and get work done, to “move on,” I know all too well that this is how grief goes. It will be an ebb and flow of feeling better and feeling worse. This time will be filled with many moments of feeling like it all just sneaked up on me. Again. Such is the nature of grief and loss. And as I reflect on Life Refocused and lessons from Alt about focusing on the intention of my website, I realize I am doing just that. This grief, this loss, this missing of Ripken is focusing on what matters. This picture of my grief is using photography to creatively capture an important moment in my life. I am hurting because I deeply loved. And that, for sure, is dwelling in what really matters.

15 Responses

  1. kelly says:

    This is beautiful. I’m sorry for your loss. Have you ever heard of the book, Dog Heaven, by Cynthia Rylant? It’s a children’s picture book, but it’s has a comforting description about what heaven is like for dogs.

  2. rebecca says:

    This is really gorgeous M; in it’s honesty and in it’s pain. I have been thinking of you often, passing out energy and intentions of healing and softness. You are doing such important work now, be easy with yourself.

  3. Celina says:

    You are processing it exactly how you need to in the moment. Sending big hugs. One day at a time sweet girl!

  4. It’s often the small things, not the big ones, that get at you when you’re grieving. Thinking of you.

  5. Corinna says:

    This is so beautiful… the selfie, the love, all of it. Your instincts are good. xo

  6. you’ve been on my mind so much lately…feeling your grief, your love, your light.
    xoxo

  7. I know exactly what you mean Meghan. I would find constant reminders at home and around town for months after Zoe left us. It takes time. A friend of mine once said that in order to fully feel and appreciate the wonderment and love in life, we also have to experience the loss and pain. Allow yourself to feel all of it. I am thinking about you everyday.

  8. Melissa says:

    Really feeling for you, my friend. x

  9. Lindsey says:

    I don’t have to tell you how good it is to express those feelings bubbling to the surface. I know you KNOW that everything that is happening is to be expected doesn’t make it any less ‘suckier’ does it? But how great that you can use this experience to capture a feeling on camera and share your love with others. Its a lovely moment that you have shared.

  10. Marji says:

    Grief does just that – ebbs and flows. But the waves will lessen over time. I feel for you………x

  11. annie says:

    Meghan, this is all such a normal part of the grief process. It’s important to go through as painful as it sometimes feels. Time really does help heal. Hugs to you my friend.

  12. Meg says:

    This is a beautiful, tender post!

    The crashing waves do lose their force with time, Meghan, taking the sting out of the grief. Bon courage for the coming weeks, months, years… And if it is any help, may I share a gem a wise Irish friend gave me. She told me five years after my mum died that part of us never wants to fully lose the memory of grief as it reminds us how very precious the departed one was. Having since lost my dad, I still agree with her. Grief is the price we pay for love.

  13. *sniff* I went back and read your post about your beautiful boy and you made me cry. My heart is also owned by a beautiful black Lab, Indiana Jones. There is something so gentle and nobel and life affirming about black Labs. They are truely amazing spirits and only those of us who share our lives with one know what that is. Our boys could have been brothers, they look so much alike.

    Throughout Vivienne’s classes, I’ve shot tons of photos of Indy, with the idea that some day, ( far off in the very distant future I hope) I will be so grateful to have them. Your photos of Ripkin’s paws are so precious.

    Wishing that in the moments when his absence hurts the most, you can draw comfort in the memory of being loved completely and forever by your sweet boy. *HUGS*

  14. Brandi Marie says:

    There is importance and beauty in honesty, with yourself and others. I am still going through this after losing my Blackadder almost 8 months ago. Thank you for sharing your love and your grief. Sending you so much love and healing thoughts <3

  15. Marcie says:

    Beautiful..honest thoughts on grieving and loss. Be gentle…

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