Psyching Myself Out
It’s been just slightly over 2 weeks since I embarked on a new photography journey. After wrapping up my first 365 project, I decided to jump right in to another one. But I decided to use the themes that emerged from my first 365 to guide me moving forward on my next endeavor. In seeing that instant photography and self-portraits were the most resonant and constant markers over the past year, I decided I would combine those for a 365 Impossible Self-Portraits project.
I began the project on my birthday, April 23, and suffice it to say…it’s been kicking my ass. I knew that this project would be challenging. I knew that it would be difficult. And I knew I was likely a little crazy for taking it on. I mean, it’s one thing to shoot instant film photos every day for an entire year. And it’s another thing to shoot daily self-portraits for 365 days in a row. But to COMBINE these two tasks?!?! That’s kind of nuts, right?
Going into the project, I felt pretty prepared and fairly ready to take it on. Looking back through my last 365, I could see that I shot 27 instant self-portraits. 27. That seemed like a considerable number of self-portraits that I shot with my Polaroid cameras, which led me to feel some confidence that I could really do this 365 Impossible Self-Portraits project. But…
I think I’m psyching myself out. I’m all jacked up about it. Because I have so many dreams and goals for this project, I’m giving it a lot of power. I’m really in my head, putting a great deal of pressure on myself for each and every photo. I am feeling like every shot has to be awesome for my dreams for this project to come to fruition. I am devaluing most of what I shoot, telling myself that the photographs aren’t artistic enough or interesting enough.
Thankfully, I’m journaling as I work on the project. And in doing so, I realize that these thoughts, this kind of negative self-talk, is a creativity killer. I’m working hard to remind myself that at the core, this project is for me. I chose to take on 365 Impossible Self-Portraits for my own photographic growth. This project was what felt right in my core as my next step. 365 Impossible Self-Portraits is what I believe will help me move forward in my creative journey. And that needs to be my focus. Yes, I do have dreams and goals for what may come of this project. But for now, day by day, I need to do the work, get out of my head, and stop psyching myself out.
Note to self: Trust the process, Meghan. xoxo
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