One Month to Go
One month to go. That’s it. Just one more month of this 365 IMPOSSIBLE Self-Portraits journey. Seemingly just like that — *snap* — I’ve got only 30 more days to capture myself on instant film. 30. More. Days. I’m relieved…and, I’m terrified.
I’m relieved because, if I’m honest, the project has been daunting. A 365 project of any sort is daunting. A self-portrait project, of any duration, is daunting. A 365 instant photography project is daunting. And yet, I combined all three of these — 365, self-portrait, instant film — and it has
sometimes many times felt formidable. But here I am. In the homestretch. I’ve got 335 instant self-portraits under my belt. And the relief of not having to ask myself each and every day, “how am I going to shoot myself tomorrow?” is beckoning me.
While that sweet relief is enticing, I’m also terrified. With only 30 photos to go, I feel a weighty stress within myself. The voice in my head is taking on a sinister tone, imploring me, warning me, demanding me…”You better make ’em count.” That critical voice knows of my longing for gallery shows and exhibits, of my desire to share the work that has been largely only mine, seen mainly only by me, during this past year. That voice has keenly observed my dreams of writing a book, a memoir borne of and including these self-portraits. And rather than gently encouraging me, bolstering me, guiding me during these last short weeks, the voice in my head is cracking the whip and scaring the hell out of me. That voice is stirring up the gremlins of “what if my photos aren’t good enough?,” “what if nobody cares?,” “what if no one wants to hear my story?,” “what if no one sees me?” And all those what-ifs…they’re terrifying.
So yeah…one month to go. 30 days of relief and terror.
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