I’m Trying Not to Care

Thursday, July 31st, 2014 19

It’s been almost a week since the scare of our lives happened. The bruises are moving through their stages of purple to blue to green to yellow as my body works to heal itself. The scrapes and cuts are on the mend. My chiropractor is helping to get the trauma — the tense and locked up muscles of my neck, shoulders, and back — out of my physical being. And writing, journaling, and connecting with friends and family is helping me get the trauma out of my psychological being. I’m noticing as frequently as I can how very fortunate I am (and Tony is) to be alive, to be here, to be virtually unscathed from this nightmare of an experience. Focus on the big picture, right?

Eiffel-Tower_rsSo…I’m trying not to care. I’m trying not to care about waterlogging our iPhones to the point of no return and subsequently losing all of our iPhone photos from the last month. Normally, this would be a bit upsetting — a month’s worth of phone photos. Disappointing, but not the end of the world. But our last month?!? Our last month is when we went to Spain and France and Colorado. Our last month was when I chose to forgo taking a digital camera on our epic trip and only shoot film and iPhone photos. Our last month of memories and travel experiences was primarily captured with my iPhone. And all of those photos, those tangible visible memories, are gone.

I’m trying to refocus. See the big picture. I’m trying not to care. But…I do.

19 Responses

  1. kelly barton says:

    oh my goodness. I am. so happy you are both safe and healing. sending you much love.

  2. Vanessa says:

    My heart breaks a little for you here. I am so glad you are still with us, but I also get how loosing those frames of memories is so sad.

  3. Lisa says:

    Oh man, I get it.. the relief of being alive and okay and the heartbreak of your art being lost. Hugs to you, sweet woman.. I keep thinking about your ordeal and wow.. all I can say is be gentle with yourself as you navigate the relief AND the heartbreak. xo

  4. So glad you’re here. Sending love.

  5. You and Tony are what is important. Put those things back on your to-do list.

  6. Jan says:

    Of course, that hurts! It’s a loss. Being thankful you are alive, doesn’t negate your sadness at losing those precious pictures. Isn’t it funny how we fail to give ourselves permission to feel grief and gratitude simultaneously? At least I do. Love to you both!

  7. Toby says:

    You and Tony are all that matters and I’d have been really pissed if I’d never met you in person! If there’s a plus side to this story, sounds like a damned good excuse to return to Spain, France & Colorado to try to recapture some of those lost photos πŸ˜‰ xo

    • Meghan says:

      Thanks, Toby! And I would be pissed, too, if we never met in person. And YES! New trip is a must to recapture photos. xo

  8. Audrey says:

    Wow, I just read you and Tony’s stories. I’m so happy that you are both okay! I cannot even imagine the fear and panic as that was happening. I do also understand the loss with the images. I’d be devastated to lose them! While the big picture is important, the most important thing, you have every right to grieve for the loss of those memories captured!
    Sending hugs as you heal .

  9. beth lehman says:

    oh, goodness, meghan… how things can change in an instant. i’m guessing you at least have the images from your trip you posted on IG… thank goodness. i totally get how sad you must feel to have lost the images you had…

  10. annie samuels says:

    It’s interesting how something like this can put what’s important in perspective.

  11. Nancy Moon says:

    gosh meghan, I’m just getting to this now, all of your blogs are so good for me to read. I’m so so sorry to hear about your accident, both to body and to your pictures. and I get it. and I can’t even imagine. in my thoughts you are. bye for now. nancy.

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