It is April. Spring. To say it is a time of transition — in the year and in my life — is to put it mildly. I have been quiet here of late as my whole world has been turned upside down. I’m s-l-o-w-l-y coming back to ground, back to right-side up. Searching and discovering whatever this new version of “normal” is going to be.
Every single day of January and February, and even into March, felt hard. As in “I’ve never gone through anything this difficult” hard. I had a constant wish that my heart would stop hurting, that the pit in my stomach would go away, that I would wake up from the nightmare I felt my life had become. Those wishes never actually came true. Not in the instantaneous way I had wished for, anyway.
But…my heart is healing. The pit in my stomach is subsiding. The nightmare still goes on, yet it is becoming less terrifying. And as these transitions have been occurring, I find that my mind has allowed for just a bit of space to dream. I’m feeling the cracks of openness to glimpse the hopefulness this season brings — of renewal, of awakening. As my birthday comes this week, as I embark on an altogether different chapter of my life, one that I never planned and certainly never expected, I wonder what new wishes I might be making…
You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed.